When your midlife crisis is going on longer than you expected.

When your throat hurts and your head hurts (and your feet stink and you don’t love Jesus).

When you start to think maybe moving to smaller town, or a bigger town, or a mission in South America, or Las Vegas would be the thing.

When you want to grow your own food but end up buying packaged salad because you can’t even get off your ass to wash lettuce and who are you kidding?

When you forget what it was you were doing (and not, like, when you walked into the kitchen that time but more, like, when you planned your massive life change that time).

When tired is no longer something you bother to mention because when was the last time you weren’t?

When the guy cutting your hair asks if you colour it yourself and you shame-spiral for a minute because you do then you remember you can buy three bottles of wine with the money you save covering your own grey, then you shame-spiral for a sec about that then don’t because you’re a grown-up and mmmm wine and who gives a shit anyway?

When you think you’re being hilarious but secretly hope your friends aren’t organizing the intervention because you really do mention wine a lot.

When you should have been more patient, more compassionate, more giving, more mature, and less needy but it’s too late now and, anyway, everyone turned out fine.

When you look at pictures of you and your siblings and realize you’re older now than your mother was then and it’s so complicated you cry a little.

When the leaves come out even though the trees look mostly dead and you cry a little.

When you’re feeling a little emotional, apparently.

When you’ve been ignoring your blog until it starts to feel burdensome and you think you have to explain and make excuses but decide not to be so fucking apologetic and just say what’s going on and hope others will, too.